In a fast growing city with lots of singles, young couples, and families with kids, we find ourselves helping couples in crisis.
If you haven’t discovered yet:
Marriage can be one of the most rewarding relationships in life,
and marriage is one of the most stressful!
According to The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, a failing marriage, a separation, reconciling in marriage, and just marriage in general are some of the most stressful experiences in life! Check out some of the list below:
| 1 | Death of spouse | 100 | |
| 2 | Divorce | 73 | |
| 3 | Marital separation | 65 | |
| 4 | Jail term | 63 | |
| 5 | Death of close family member | 63 | |
| 6 | Personal injury or illness | 53 | |
| 7 | Marriage | 50 | |
| 8 | Fired at work | 47 | |
| 9 | Marital reconciliation | 45 | |
| 10 | Retirement | 45 | |
| 11 | Change in health of family member | 44 | |
| 12 | Pregnancy | 40 | |
| 13 | Sex difficulties | 39 | |
| 14 | Gain of new family member | 39 |
If you find yourself, struggling in marriage, know that this is normal and part of what makes marriage so unique and so refining.
To encourage you even more, Most Marriages Actually Make It! According to Shaunti Feldhahn and her research team:
“First-time marriages: probably 20 to 25 percent have ended in divorce on average. Now, okay, that’s still too high, but it’s a whole lot better than what people think it is.”
The myth that 50% of marriages comes from projections that never came to pass, and mixing in those who have had multiple marriages.
Going through a tough time in your marriage? If so, try the following:
1. Connect with other couples, a counselor, a friend who is for you and your spouse (or all three options). Don’t fall into the temptation of isolating yourself. All couples go through tough times. Let others help you through this!
2. Remind yourself of how you fell in love. What brought you two together in the first place? It is tempting to remember the past through your negative circumstances, but there is a reason you chose him/her. Keep those reasons in mind – especially when you feel like giving up and you feel your hope in the future slipping.
3. Choose to make progress to personally take responsibility for your marriage. We cannot make our spouse change, but we can change. Often our willingness to sacrifice for the sake of the marriage will be rewarded in time.
4. Bring God to the center of your decision-making. Let 1 Corinthians 13 and Romans 12 along with other passages guide you when you are not sure what to do.
5. Finally, check out the following resources (messages, assessments, and exercises).
