Today we started our series called “Sessions: Real Answers for Life’s Struggles” at Gateway Church in Ausitn, TX.
We all have our issues—desires we can’t control, stress we can’t shake, and questions we can’t answer. So where do we go for help? Too often, we turn to pop psychology, influencers, or trendy self-help tips instead of the One who actually made us.
In The Sessions, we’ll sit down with the wisdom of Jesus—the ultimate Counselor—and dive into five of the most common emotional and spiritual struggles we face. Each week, we’ll explore a new “session,” not with a guru, but with the Savior who knows our hearts better than anyone else. Jesus doesn’t just offer good advice; He offers transformation.
Digging Deeper Bible Study:
Work through the following questions and scriptures on your own or get together with your group, spiritual running partners, or family to talk through what you are learning:
Video of Gateway South Austin:
Message Notes from Ricky Echeona, Carlos Ortiz, Jr., and Me:
As we mentioned earlier some of the contents of today’s message are for mature audiences, I would say middle school and above. I want to tell you that from the jump so you can avoid your 7-year old asking you some awkward questions that maybe you are not ready for on the car ride home.
I wanted us to set the tone for this message and not give a broad brushstroke in hopes that you might identify with a piece of what is shared this morning but rather take a laser pointer to something that is a universal struggle in the human experience- sexual desire and lust. We are coming in hot from week 1.
To be very clear this message is for those in the room and watching online, now or at a later date, who have surrendered their life and will over to Jesus as Savior and Lord. In other words, you would describe yourself as a follower or disciple of Jesus. If you are seeking and have not come to closure on Jesus, this message can and should absolutely still apply to your life, but If you haven’t trusted Jesus as your Savior, this message may hit different for you.
Too often, the church has tried to impose its view of morality on the world around us. The apostle Paul explains that this is actually a conversation we’re supposed to have as followers of Jesus and not imposed on the world as the world has different standards. If you have ever felt judged by Christians, even while you are still exploring faith or still new on your journey, I am so sorry that happened to you, that is not the way it was supposed to be.
if you are still exploring faith or New to the ways of Jesus, you should know that we whole-heartedly believe that the teachings of Jesus, as our maker, lead to human flourishing and the absolute best expression of our intended design. So, if you are not a follower of Jesus, would you come with a posture of listening and seeking to understand.
The truth is NONE of us are immune to sexual desire and temptation. I don’t care who you are or where you are in the world, sex is the great equalizer of moral pride. It does not take much to be reminded of your weakness and that no one is above it. Why?
Well for starters, because God created us with a sexual drive and it is awesome. This message is not going to be a deep dive into sex and all its facets. But I want to let you know from the jump sex is a good thing. And I’m glad much of the church has come along way from when I was a kid, when the message was “stop it! Don’t do it! Shame on you if you did it. You’ll never get your purity back.”. No, sex in it’s proper context is a sliver of Heaven on Earth. We got a whole book of the Bible in Song of Solomon dedicated to love, passion, sexual intimacy. It’s beautiful and poetic. God made you and created you, and part of the way He made you was with a sex drive.
[What does God say about it?]
Genesis 1:27-28- So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them. 28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.
So because God created man and woman, and designed sex in its proper context of marriage. Then we must look to Him and His Word. If you want to know how something works and how it was designed you go to the designer and his owner’s manual if you will.
The reason the world and our lives are often plagued by sexual brokenness is because we have rejected, either willfully or out of ignorance, God’s intent for this beautiful area of our lives. And instead of creating a sliver of Heaven on Earth, so much rampant sexual brokenness and sin has caused hell on Earth for people- human trafficking, rape, pedophilia.
But I know that for most people that just washes over you as evil done by “others”. But that same sexual brokenness exists in pornography addiction, strip clubs, infidelity, or in giving yourself away sexually hoping to find love or selfishly getting whatever you want.
But don’t take my word for it. Let’s go to the designer, to what He said around this topic of desire and lust. And here’s what I have been praying this week and here’s what I believe to my core.
For some of you, a message like this is going to give you the keys to finally unlock freedom in this area of your life.
For some of you, it’s going to give you the courage to be totally transparent and honest with something you have let secrecy enslave you. There are marriages that will reach a new level of intimacy because someone is going to say “Honey, I have to be honest with you…”
Some of you are wrestling to follow Jesus and you’re fighting a lifestyle you’re at the precipice of and the voice of God is beckoning you today
Somebody in here is going to get rid of some of some apps that have perpetuated a hook-up addiction
[CPs step out and speak pastorally in love to your people, dismantling shame]
Listen to me clearly- This will never become a stage of shame or a pulpit of condemnation. I’m here to tell you that is not how God treats us. But He does shine a light for us that we can step into when we are ready. This message today is for EVERYBODY. Do not let the enemy whisper in your ear and say “oh they’re singling you out” friends, it is a trap.
The grace of God says “come to the Father, as you are”, and the love and truth of God says “come be made holy.” And sex and sexuality is one that encompasses all of us- single, married, divorced, straight, gay, bi, poly. I don’t know the sexual ethic or sexual brokenness you walked into this place with.
A big part of the challenge we face is that our over-sexualized world equates love with sex and encourages us to explore our sexuality with anyone we can and through pornography. The Scriptures demonstrate God’s best for us remains expressing our sexuality in the context of a lifelong marriage covenant between a man and a woman or to remain single (which the apostle Paul reminds us is a worthy option from God). At the same time, we are called to radically love and include everyone. Our community includes many who have had sex outside of marriage, struggle with pornography, experienced divorce, or identify as LGBTQ. We offer grace to others knowing we have also experienced God’s grace.
But I know there’s someone in here who feels like they’re drowning and they need a SAVIOR to reach His hand and show them how to breathe. And there are others who have experienced salvation and the overwhelming love of God and you need to hear what I once heard a therapist say [this wasn’t directed to me, but I’m contextualizing it so feel free to use it] “the things that helped you survive and cope, the things you once wore as a life vest; have now become a lead vest and they are drowning you.”
Some of us are drowning in an addiction, a secret, a desire, an identity, that God in His love says “Son, daughter, You don’t have to wear that anymore.” I’m talking to that person today.
Let’s go to the words of Jesus in Matthew 5: 27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
Let me tell you what Jesus is NOT talking about here. He is not talking about attraction here. He isn’t talking about temptation. I want to be very clear: Attraction is not a sin. For some of you that alone just brought a layer of freedom. Being tempted is not a sin. That late-night message, that random thought that popped in out of nowhere. Jesus is not talking about that when He says lust.
He also isn’t talking about what happens to you at a physiological level. When you see someone beautiful and attractive that walks by you, or you scroll by. Can we keep it real?! He isn’t talking about the hormonal flood that happens when you saw that woman that fit our current cultural definition of beauty at the gym. Ladies, he isn’t talking about that mini dopamine hit when you first saw the actor Aaron Pierre strolling down the hallway and heard “Aaron Pierre that’s Mufasa!” Jesus isn’t talking about things. He knows He made beautiful people and thank God He did!
What Jesus is talking about is the second look; the third look; the bend around the corner; the fantasy that is now replaying your mind. He’s talking about what you DO with that initial moment and to not let sexual lust take root in our heart and mind.
Jesus is saying- it’s not just about an action taking place physically, it’s about what happened in your heart, in the seat of your desire, long before you ever acted on it.
Theologian Dr. Joel Muddamalle (Mood-ah-mall-A) put it this way, “There’s a pattern that starts in Genesis 3 that we see play out in the Old Testament and really throughout human history down to our own lives. Humanity from the beginning goes sideways when we see something, desire it, and then take that thing.”
And oh how true that is when it comes to lust and sexual desire. SEE – DESIRE – TAKE. In other words, “I have needs- I feel it, I want it, I’m going to have it.” And in the aftermath I will either hide it or justify it.
And Jesus says long before that action takes place, recognize where it starts. A lustful 2nd glance. A flirtatious statement. The twist of that wedding ring. And He says if you’ve already gone there in your mind, you’ve already gone there- you’re guilty.
Bad News- everyone of us stands guilty.
Good News- Jesus died and paid the price for that guilt and invites you into new life.
Jesus says in Matthew 5 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
This isn’t a call to self-mutilation. This is Jesus using hyperbole in saying deal with your sin, before it deals with you. With my help you can master it, so that it does not enslave you.
In 2025 if you want to call it “repress it” that’s fine. Paul in Galatians says “crucify the flesh”. Put an end to the evil that haunts you. Take it out back and put it down. That’s the level of seriousness Jesus is using. Because that’s what it means to be human and following Jesus. It’s the reality of living in this human body with all these raging desires and yet rule over them. It’s why we need a SAVIOR and a LORD and teacher like Jesus to show us a roadmap and break free and transform us to master what the NEW TESTAMENT writers call “the flesh”, that in the context of today’s message we are saying, is any sexual desire or lust outside of God’s original intent.
Look, I am not looking to be a provocateur but let’s keep it 100. God knows you get horny. He made you that way. It’s a gift designed for a husband and wife in marital covenant love. And even in the midst of marriage, you will need to learn to turn your desires over to God as your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs every time it comes to mind.
[What is lust?]
But lust is what happens when we take a good gift of God and we put our self-centered desires above that of God’s. What happens when we are overcome by our desires is we actually become less human and more animalistic. Being ruled over by our primal desires rather than ruling OVER them. It’s what God told Cain in Genesis 4:7- 7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”
Friends, lust is not love. Look at the list of the characteristics of love in 1 Corinthians 13. “Love is patient, love is kind…” Friends, lust is not patient. Lust is always in a rush. Lust wants what it wants and it wants it now. Love is in it for the long haul. Lust says “let me get past 3-5 dates so I can get it on.” Lust is in it for the short term- as long as the emotional high lasts- usually 2 years and far less if you’re in it just for the sex.
I love how John Mark Comer once put it, “Lust is narcissism in a sexual encounter. Love is an act of the will. You make a decision to love another human being with your body and your mind. Lust is what happens when that will is drowned out by the primal animalistic desires for sexual satisfaction.”
See Jesus taught us the 2 greatest commandments- 1) Love God 2) Love your neighbor as yourself. But lust is the EXACT opposite. It’s using your gf, your bf, that person on OnlyFans, your affair partner, as an object for your OWN personal gratification.
“But Ricky I’m test driving the car before I buy it”… Let me ask you. How many cars that you test drove, do you plan to drive the rest of your life? You see, you and I are not objects, my friend. We are real people with real hearts, minds, and bodies
And Jesus says when you do that, what starts out great eventually becomes the thing that leaves you in a spiritual wasteland- it becomes Gehenna, translated hell today. But the original audience would know of the valley of Gehinoam. Where things so evil took place like child sacrifice that by Jesus’ time that area became a smoldering trash heap always burning. A picture of hell on earth.
And for anyone who has been caught in the clutches of sexual addiction. Who has been harmed or abused sexually. Who lives in the wake of adultery. Who has been trafficked or pimped out. Who at one point this is me im living out what i wanna do with who i wanna do, only to find emptiness a wasteland. Many of us have found uncontrolled lust brought hell on earth.
Jesus says, NOT RICKY, NOT GATEWAY CHURCH. Jesus. It starts in the heart- the secret place. The place your spouse can’t see. The place your pastor can’t see. The place the software on your phone can’t see. Nobody sees, but YOU and JESUS.
And I know what happens with a message like this some people go “God is trying to control me or he’s holding out on me living authentically.” It’s the same lie that the enemy tells Eve in the Garden. But friends, when God invites us to trust Him with our minds and our bodies what He is really saying is- “I love you too much to see you hurt yourself or hurt others.”
Because a good gift can become a curse if not used the right way.
[How does transformation come? Application]
So what do we do with a message like this? This is where we want to provide some Biblical guidance and also holistic resources. This isn’t exhaustive and each one of these could be it’s own message. But a few helpful steps.
(CPs lead this with intentionality, this can be rapid fire or you park where the Spirit leads)
I want to ask you this. Can everyone take out their phone and take notes. Not because this is revolutionary material, but we don’t want anyone who’s truly seeking freedom to feel any kind of shame in this place.
Repentance
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. -1 John 1:9
Our first step is confessing our sin to a loving God who is ready, willing, and able, to clean us from the inside out
A God who knows us fully
Flee, don’t flirt
15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” 17 But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.
18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. – 1 Corinthians 6:15-20 (NIV, emphasis added)
Paul doesn’t say manage your lust. Grit it out. Or do your best bucko. NO! He says run because you and I are not strong enough on our own.
E.g: Don’t kid yourself. Y’all are not just cuddling with pajamas on and no one is in the house and nothing’s happening.
E.g: Don’t believe the lie from the enemy that it is harmless flirting with a coworker. Ain’t no work husbands or work wives in the kingdom of God
Practice Radical Confession and Accountability
15 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. -James 5:15-16
We often stop at that first part- “pray for me”
You can have privacy or you can have healing but you can’t have both. As we say in recovery, you are only as sick as your secrets. Some of us wonder why there’s a block in emotional, relational, and spiritual intimacy and maybe it’s the secrets you have sworn to the grave
Who in your life is pointing you to radical confession? If you have friends that point you to secrecy and cover-ups. They are not your friends.
Friends, freedom is knocking at the door.
Renew Your Mind
12 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2
A major part of renewing your mind is dwelling and filling yourself up with the Word of God in the scriptures. Replacing lies with truth
Having a mantra that brings you back to Jesus in times of temptation. For e.g- “Lord keep my heart fixed on you and my eyes fixed on what is pure”
Guard Your Eyes and Heart
“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman. Job 31:1
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23
There are things we consume and positions we put ourselves in that are avoidable. I’m not banging a drum of “Christians shouldn’t _________” I’m simply saying use your freedom to practice wisdom
Paul says in Galatians 5, you’ve been set free don’t take on slavery again
Fix Your Eyes and Identity on Jesus
12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. -Hebrews 12:1-2
Too often, and Christians are the MOST guilty of this, we fixate on an identity or tell people what they have to change.
Listen to me Jesus is calling you to Himself. He’s not calling you simply to monogamy, to being hetero, to being celibate. He’s not calling you root your identity in anyone or anything. He is calling you to HIMSELF
We yell “God validate these choices! Answer me! Fix me!” and He’s there going “Can we start with how much I love you first.”
Don’t fixate on your desires. Fix your eyes on Jesus, and other things begin to dim in comparison. Will it be difficult? Absolutely. Impossible? Never
Resources
(Maybe put all of these on the screen at once so people can take a picture)
We want to provide holistic resources and materials that may be helpful to you in your walk
“The Steps to Freedom in Christ” by Neil T. Anderson (hold up a copy if you have it)
https://timothycenter.com/
They have amazing resources for singles, couples including couples who have been struggling with being sexually intimate, and even those struggling with Sex addiction led by a C-SAT (certified sexual addiction therapist)
Puredesire.org and affairrecovery.com
These help with addiction and betrayal trauma
South and North
Eric story
I’ll never forget this story Eric shared with us about a woman in LA who at the time was really struggling with her sexuality especially around her gender. She asked him:
Jaguar: If I follow Jesus do I have to give up my sexuality?
Eric: It’s worse than that. You have to give up EVERYTHING! And as you surrender everything to Jesus He will give you back what’s best for you.
I pray right now in this place there is not an ounce of condemnation or shame. The message of Jesus is that the ground is level at the foot of the Cross. We are all guilty. But friends he PAID for that with his very life. And 3 days He rose again in power. And what is our response as Christ followers? We give Him all of us.
We have been bought with a price. The Doctor is in the room. He is wherever you go with open arms to receive you and to transform you.
16 So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! -2 Corinthians 5:16-17
When you put your life in his hands He makes you new. It’s a never-ending process of renewal. You don’t have to stay where you have been. We offer nothing and He gave everything. And so my natural response is surrender… with ALL of me.
